


Learning to Love Again

by forgotten_dreams



Series: I Know I Can't Love You [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Marriage, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24853180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgotten_dreams/pseuds/forgotten_dreams
Summary: After two short years of marriage, Shikamaru realizes that things are falling apart, and fast. He is betrayed by the past, frustrated with the present, and uncertain about the future. All he can do now is try to keep it all together as he scrambles to forget the past and focus on what's important to him before it's too late.A sequel to I Know I Can't Love You
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Original Female Character(s), Nara Shikamaru/Original Female Character(s)
Series: I Know I Can't Love You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797991
Comments: 15
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Thank you for your interest in this story! While this story can be a stand alone fic, you might want to read the first part for some context, so make sure you check out the first part of the series, "I Know I Can't Love You." Enjoy!

_Marriage is hard_ , Shikamaru sighed as he sunk deeper into the couch. _It’s a drag. A real stupid drag._

Naome, his wife, had been pacing around the living room, yelling at him for the past fifteen minutes about who knows what. He had lost track already. They had only been married for about two years, but things seemed to be going downhill already. This time though, she was angrier than usual, and it all began at the council meeting in the afternoon.

\---

“What do you mean you don’t want to fund the orphanage anymore?!” 

Shikamaru flinched at the sound of his wife’s voice. He glanced over at Kakashi who had also become stiff in his seat from the angry bite of the woman’s words. He sighed, he knew it was a bad idea to bring Naome to the village council meeting, but she insisted she had some strong words to say to the elders who wanted to cut the money going into the orphanage programs Naome started.

“We mean, in order for our village to expand and compete with the other great nations, we need to cut costs in other areas, not give away free money and supplies to a village that isn’t even ours!” The old lady bit back. Shikamaru wondered where in the world the village elders still had the energy to deal with all of this, nonetheless argue with someone as stubborn as Naome.

“Listen here you old hag,” Naome stood up, slamming her palms on the table, causing it to shake and creak in response. “All the other great nations are doing their part in helping the children in the Hidden Rain Village. How can we, as the people who started all this, suddenly cut our contributions? Does that even make sense?!”

“You are the one that started this. And if the other villages think they have the money and resources to support it, then so be it, but I’m not helping a filthy, dark, and evil village such as that.”

Shikamaru placed a hand on Naome’s back as she began to tremble in anger. He desperately wanted to calm her down before all hell broke loose, but he couldn’t say a word for fear that he would either lose his job if he took one side, or lose his wife if he took the other.

“That filthy, dark, and evil village was ruined by your ignorant and despicable generation!” Naome shot back. Both Kakashi and Shikamaru were extra alert now. No one knew really knew that Naome was from the Village Hidden in the Rain, and an orphan herself. If the elders found out, they would have her investigated and possibly declared as a criminal or spy herself.

“Say that again?” The old lady challenged, clearly upset along with some of the older folks on the council. 

“It was your group of old douchebags that ruined that village to begin with! How do you expect them to recover when you have completely destroyed their land time and time again with wars? Now when they are starting to be on their feet again, you want to take it all away from them? Besides, it’s children we’re talking about!”

“You inconsiderate brat!”

“Now, now.” Kakashi’s voice caused the room to go silent. “Let’s all calm down and talk this through civilly. Naome, please sit down.”

Naome sent the silver-haired ninja a glare. The Hokage simply nodded and gestured to her chair in response. With a deep breath, Naome sat in her spot and pulled the chair in, purposely screeching it as loud as possible.

“Now,” Kakashi took a deep breath, his own head aching from the dilemma in front of him. “Shikamaru, how much money do we have left in the budget this year?”

“None…” Shikamaru replied as he looked down at the papers in front of him. “In fact, we could be in debt by the end of the year.”

Naome shot her husband a look to which Shikamaru ignored. Kakashi held his hand out to his aide for the file and skimmed through the data himself. With furrowed eyebrows, he took a pen and began rearranging some of the numbers. Witnessing the math in front of him, Shikamaru opened his mouth to protest, but was instantly shut down by a raise of Kakashi’s palm.

After a few moments, the Hokage looked up at the elders. “Here’s what I propose. This year, we can reuse some of the old training grounds for the chuunin exams. This means we can refurbish the areas next year.”

“But the land is old and outgrown. They’re in desperate need of restoration.” One of the members protested. 

“I doubt all the training grounds will be used, and certainly they’ll be used less frequently. Afterall, we are in a time of peace.” Kakashi replied.

“Kakashi, that’s still not enough.” Naome murmured with a quiet voice. A couple of the councillors shuffled in their chair, offended by the informal way the girl was addressing the Hokage, when said leader raised his hand for silence again. 

“I know, so here’s what we’re going to do. Because our own orphanage has some open spots, we can ease the burden on the Hidden Rain Village’s orphanage by bringing some of the children here. In fact, it could even benefit those children to be trained and educated here until they are older.”

“No way!” The old lady said, “Absolutely not! I refuse to let any criminals into my village!”

Before Naome was able to shoot back, Kakashi calmly spoke, “I’m not saying a lot, ten at most. We don’t need to keep them long, and they can even help with some easy D-ranked missions while they attend the academy in compensation for housing. This could save the village some money as well. Furthermore, they’re children, Lord Elders, they can be taught right from wrong.”

Murmurs amongst all the council members ensued as they discussed Kakashi’s proposal. Naome gave the older man a look of gratitude that didn’t go unnoticed by Shikamaru. 

Overall, the vote had been successful, but it was clear in Shikamaru’s mind as they were walking home, that his battle was far from over.

\---

“Just calm down,” Shikamaru finally said amidst her rant. The words left his mouth before he could filter them, and almost instantly, he knew he would regret it.

“Calm down?! How am I supposed to calm down?” Naome rebuttaled. “Shikamaru, the least you could have done was say one word to support me back there, but you sat there and did nothing! Does what I do not matter to you?”

“It does!” He insisted, and truly it did. He had watched her and supported her throughout her entire time of building orphanages and helping the children in need, a subject that she was beyond passionate about.

“Then why couldn’t you do anything to stand up for me? Why was Kakashi the only one to have my back?”

That struck a nerve in the jonin. He instantly sat up and crossed his fingers together in concentration. Usually, he was a very easy going and non-confrontational man, but recently, their fighting had been getting to him and the mention of the other man’s name made him furious.

Counting to ten in his head, he took a deep breath and swallowed the words of hatred that threatened to spew from his mouth. He knew he would regret it later if he did. 

“Just forget it.” 

His words echoed in the room and were followed by silence. His eyes remained trained on the ground as he heard her footsteps trampling across the house. The jingle of her keys accompanied them followed by the opening and slamming of the door.

After a few seconds he leaned back, throwing his head onto the headrest. He had already predicted this would happen before the council meeting even began because every day, it seemed to be the same thing. They just couldn’t be happy around each other anymore.

He wondered how his father did it, love a woman despite all the conflicts of a marriage. Then again, his father’s relationship began with love, mutual love, not the messed up shit that he had to go through just to be with her. He shook his head and pushed those thoughts aside, reminding himself that the past was the past and that he had decided to not fault her anymore for the things that she did in the past which hurt him.

Still though, all he wanted was some wisdom, some advice. He really wished his father was there because it wasn’t something he was comfortable asking his mother about. He couldn’t turn to his friends for advice because for one, they never knew about their complicated past, and secondly, he had been one of the first of his friends to get married, and he sure as hell was not going to ask Naruto of all people for advice.

“What a drag.” He mumbled to himself. Getting up, he made his way upstairs to their bedroom. He glanced at the small picture frame on their bedside table which housed a picture of their wedding day, and a picture of Naome with his family during his father’s birthday. A small, bitter smile made its way to his lips before he turned to his bed and climbed in.

Out of habit, he draped his arm onto the other side, only to be hit with a bitter reminder that she wasn’t home. The bed felt empty under his palm, and he realized he truly missed the days when they would spend hours in bed just cuddling each other. 

Both of them had been busy ever since they had gotten married. Shikamaru gradually had more work piled on him thanks to his position as Kakashi’s aide. His free time was spent training Mirai Sarutobi to fulfill his promise to Asuma. He was constantly exhausted, and his mood would considerably worsen every time he returned home to his nagging wife.

He knew better than to fault her though, because she too, also had a lot of pressure, and he wasn’t blind to it. Naome had been much like him in the past, leaving for a week to a month at a time. She rarely spent more than two weeks in the village. It was all because she had begun opening orphanages around the Land of Fire and one particular one in the Hidden Rain Village where she was born. Often, she would go to check up on those orphanages and provide necessities as there were many orphans after the destruction from the 4th Great Ninja War. 

A layer of guilt washed over him as he thought about what took place during the council meeting. He had wanted to stand up for his wife, knowing how much her work meant to her, but he truly feared to oppose the advisors, not because of his career (that, Kakashi would ensure his security), but because no one but him and Kakashi knew where Naome was from, and he didn’t want them to find out and target her in the future.

Closing his eyes, he settled his breathing. He hated sleeping in an empty bed, but slowly he was beginning to get used to it.

“Whatever, she’ll come home later anyways.” She always did.


	2. Chapter 2

When Shikamaru woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was how cold the bedsheets next to him were. They laid mostly untouched, apart from his own restlessness at night, but he figured Naome probably left extra early for work, or slept on the couch as she often did.

He got up and went to get ready for the day, changing into his usual attire, and pulling his hair up in a high ponytail. When he got downstairs, he was stunned when he reached the empty dining table. No matter how angry Naome was at him the night before, she would always leave some form of breakfast on the table for him in the morning, knowing that he couldn’t cook to save his life, and that he often woke up so late that he wouldn’t have time to make food.

Groaning, he went to the counter and grabbed a cold, soggy piece of bread and stuffed it in his mouth before he walked out the door.

The bread began to taste bitter and offensive in his mouth as he walked along the streets toward the Hokage’s office. Realization kicked in that no, she didn’t return home last night, and that he had no idea where she had gone.

He wasn’t worried because she, herself, had also risen in the ranks to become a jonin almost the same time that he did. She was more than capable of taking care of herself, afterall, she was Kakashi’s protégé. His scowl grew larger as he thought about the silver-haired shinobi, a.k.a his boss. Flashbacks came of their past, and he immediately tried to shake the thoughts out of his head. 

The darkness wouldn’t leave though as he continued to compare himself to the man, the man that she had loved before. He was taller, stronger, smarter, and always one step ahead of him. To top it all off, he was now Hokage, and Shikamaru was nothing but his glorified secretary. 

Even though Shikamaru and Naome had been exclusive for the past 5 years, a part of him knew that she always had a spot in her heart for Kakashi, and he knew that if circumstances had been different, she probably would have chosen the older man, not him. 

He had to continue reminding himself to think on the bright side, and that Naome had moved on now. She was his, and he was hers, regardless of his stupid insecurities. That’s all they were, he thought to himself, just insecurities.

\---

When Shikamaru arrived at work, Kakashi was nowhere to be seen. An annoyed huff left his lips as he sat at his desk next to the hokage’s and glared at the growing pile of paperwork on the table. 

Shikamaru was getting beyond frustrated with the man and his undying habit of tardiness. Every single day, he would stroll into the office late in the morning as if he wasn’t the leader of the entire village. During that time, Shikamaru would have to answer a bunch of questions and basically cover the entire role himself on top of the neverending list of things he was already assigned to do.

It was already 10am and Shikamaru had gotten through a quarter of his work along with answering an urgent Hokage call when Kakashi finally strayed into the office. Shikamaru narrowed his eyes at the man’s appearance which was haggard and quite frankly, unbefitting of someone with his stature.

“Good morning,” Shikamaru murmured, “someone didn’t get any sleep last night.”

Stifling a yawn Kakashi waved back and took a seat behind his own table. He sank into the chair for a moment. “Yeah, I was up all night trying to figure out stuff.”

“Your cloak is inside out.” Shikamaru pointed out. He watched as the older man startled and fixed himself as he continued, “Were you figuring things out? Or staying up and reading your novels again?”

Kakashi groaned, “What do you and your wife have against my novels? You two nag me day in and day out about it.”

A scowl appeared on Shikamaru’s face at the mention of Naome by the man in front of him. He always tried to be civil and excuse the fact that the two were such good friends despite the past that they had, but on days like this, it was hard to ignore the anger that boiled within him. He reminded himself to take another deep breath before answering.

“You’ll never grow up if you don’t stop reading those inappropriate texts. Besides, how are you supposed to concentrate and get work done if you are up all night and come in looking like this?” Shikamaru dropped his eyes down to his work as he mumbled the last part under his breath, “I’m getting sick and tired of doing your job for you.”

Kakashi knew that the words were meant to be heard by him, afterall, the jonin knew fairly well just how capable Kakashi’s sensory skills were. He narrowed his eyes and tried to excuse the jonin’s disrespect and behaviour. 

“For your information Shikamaru, I was staying up all night trying to finalize the budget for our village so that your wife can continue running the orphanage that means so much to her. Do you have a problem with that?”

 _You’re only doing this because you’re still in love with her,_ Shikamaru wanted to tell him, but he knew he was in the wrong this time. The hokage had risked a lot last meeting, putting himself in between the two parties. Kakashi had made the proposal seem simple, but Shikamaru knew, because he put the budget together himself, that there was very little room to adjust for spending. 

He dropped his head, “No. I’m sorry Kakashi, there’s just a lot on my mind. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that, and thank you for what you’re doing for Naome. I’m sure she appreciates it.”

Kakashi’s expression softened and he reminded himself that the man in front of him was still young. Hell, he would have hated to have had this much responsibility at 23, in fact, he wasn’t even teaching yet at that time, yet here the boy was, being the second most influential figure in the village.

“Don’t fret, Shikamaru. I apologize too for always being so late and pushing so much work onto you. I know it’s not easy, but I’m glad that you are the one to help me through this.” Kakashi paused for a second and wondered if he was in the right to say his next words. “You know...I don’t know if something is going on between the two of you, but you can always come to me if you need someone to talk to.”

“Thank you.” Shikamaru murmured back. In reality though, he knew the hokage could do little to help him. Even though he was the only other person who knew about everything, he was also very limited in relationship advice.

“Anyways,” Kakashi cleared his throat. He walked over to the jonin’s desk and placed a file in front of Shikamaru. “This is the new budget I came up with. Can you take a look and see if anything is missing and finalize it after?”

“Sure thing, I’ll have it done before lunch.” Shikamaru replied. An air of confidence returned to him as he opened the file to complete his work. This, at least, was something he knew he was more than qualified for and would never lose in. Afterall, he wasn’t called a genius for nothing.

“Thanks.” The older man sent him a grin before he made his way back to his desk for his own work.

\---

It was another overtime day at work for Shikamaru, and even though Kakashi had insisted for the man to go home earlier, he had rather stay to indulge himself in solving the village’s problems, than solving his own. 

“I’m home!” Shikamaru called when he walked into the front door and set his shoes neatly by the front entrance. A small breath of relief left him when he spotted his wife’s shoes next to his. At least now, she was home.

“Another busy day? Naome asked. She was already in her pyjamas, and her hair was freshly washed as it hung messily over her shoulders.

“Yeah.” Shikamaru replied as he took a seat at the table and began eating the dinner that Naome had left out. He was reminded of the morning when he had to scour for his breakfast. The heaviness in his chest returned as he realized he still didn’t know where she had gone the night before.

“How was work?” She asked. The tone of her voice was so casual that Shikamaru wondered if she had forgotten about their argument all together. 

“Busy,” Shikamaru continued eating, avoiding eye contact with her because he still couldn’t equate his feelings properly.

“Was Kakashi piling all the work on you again?”

Instantly, his mood soured. The food was becoming harder to swallow at the mention of the shinobi’s name.

“He always does.” Shikamaru deadpanned. 

Catching the tone of her husband’s voice, Naome reminded herself to be patient as well. She figured he must have been stressed from the amount of workload, as he always was. She walked up to him and placed her palms on his shoulders, massaging them in the way that he always used to do for her before.

“I can talk to him if you want, ask him to give you a break off of work.”

Shikamaru didn’t have a clue of what had come over him. He had never been easy to anger before, save for the time that Asuma had passed away and the day that Kakashi had left Naome all broken in his arms. Now though, nothing was stopping him as he shook her hands off his shoulders and turned to glare at her.

“Where were you last night?”

The bitter bite in his words sent Naome stumbling a few steps back. Instant regret filled his system as he looked at the way her eyes reflected shock and some fear. 

“I was with Sakura.” She replied. She continued to scan his expression with confusion, her brows furrowing in response. “What’s wrong?”

“Really? Is that who you were with? If I ask her, is that what she’s going to tell me?”

The accusatory tone in Shikamaru’s voice now set a fire ablaze inside Naome, one that had been barely muted from the night before.

“Shikamaru Nara, are you being serious right now?” Naome growled back. Just barely, she reminded herself to keep her voice levelled and to be patient. Though it would be probably useless in the next second or two.

“I am being serious, Naome! Why else would you not come home? You do this every time. You run to him every, single time!” Shikamaru was now on his feet as he towered over the woman and screamed his every thought in her ears.

“Every single time? For your information, every time I run to him, it’s because of some shit that you do! And no, I haven’t run to him since 5 years ago!” She didn’t back down, she never did nowadays because she was fed up with the way Shikamaru had been treating her. Especially now, when she was accused of something she hadn’t done.

“I swear Naome, if you lie to me…”

“Then what? What are you going to do, Shikamaru? If you can’t trust me, what is even the point in having this relationship? This marriage?” Tears sprung to both of their eyes at the sound of Naome’s words because despite their arguments, they never wanted to let go of each other. But now, it was seeming more and more like a reality.

“I need some fresh air.” She said as she broke away from their intense glares. Shikamaru watched as she dashed upstairs to their bedroom and came down moments later with a fresh change of clothes. Her hair was still just as disheveled as it was before.

He followed her into the hallway and balled his hands into fists as she threw on her shoes. He was getting so exhausted, so tired of it all.

“So you’re going to run away again?” He scoffed, “Fine! Go find him!”

“Maybe I will!” Those were the last words he heard before she yanked the door open, and slammed it closed behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi had been walking around the village after he had gotten off work. He didn’t officially call it a night until another hour after Shikamaru had left, and by then, he was definitely starving. Despite how exhausted he was, he knew he didn’t have any food at home so he wandered down the street looking for his next meal.

He thought back about the past, about five years ago, when he would be able to go home to homemade food at night courtesy of Naome. She ensured that his dinner would be prepared on most nights so that if he was ever alone, he would be able to eat. Even though that was temporary, he had missed the feelings so much, that he often hated returning home nowadays to an empty apartment.

Sighing, he thought about how lucky Shikamaru must have been to be able to experience her cooking and company every night. That was probably his biggest sacrifice in letting her go, a future with someone to go home to.

As he was walking through the late night area of the village, he noticed a particular ruckus coming from a bar in front of him. His eyes widened as one of the village patrol shinobi was blasted out of the establishment and hit the ground on the other side of the street. 

Returning to his Hokage mindset, he rushed to the injured shinobi to find out what was going on.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he bent over to assist the shinobi in sitting up. 

“Lord Hokage…” The man gasped at the presence of the silver-haired man in front of him. Kakashi almost cringed at the title. He hadn’t gotten used to being called such formalities even after almost four years in office.

“What’s happening in there?” Kakashi asked. He could still hear shouting from inside of the restaurant.

“There’s a girl in there, a shinobi. She’s drunk and we were called in by the bar’s owner to take her out. She’s incredibly strong though, my partner and I can’t seem to get to her.”

“Let me see.” Kakashi left the man and walked into the building.

Once inside, his eyes widened. All of the patrons were standing on one side of the building, watching the events unfold. His eyes stopped when he found a familiar figure that seemed to be the center of the entire commotion.

“I’m warning you one last time, let me go or you’re going to regret it.” Her voice threatened. She was standing in the center of the room, a glass of liquor in her one hand, and her other wrist being grasped by another shinobi on patrol.

“You have been asked to leave!” The guard insisted with an insistent tug toward the door.

“You really don’t want to listen huh?” 

Kakashi gasped when she saw it, the hand that was being held suddenly had a ball of ice shards circling in its palm. To the naked eye, it was nothing but a small blizzard, but to a trained ninja like Kakashi, those ice shards were gradually forming into sharpening icicles.

“Let her go.” Kakashi’s voice broke through the crowd, causing all eyes to turn onto him. 

“Lord Hokage!” The shinobi said, suddenly alert. “But she’s…”

“Let her go or you’ll really get hurt. She’s stronger than you think.” Kakashi replied. He noticed the smug look on Naome’s face at the mention of her power. “I’ve got this.”

As Kakashi approached the two, the chunin let go of Naome’s arm and stepped aside. The girl shot him a smirk before turning to the silver-haired man in front of her.

“Kakashi! You came just in time! Come have a drink with me.” She stumbled toward the man with a raised glass. Kakashi wondered how much she had to drink if a kunoichi of her calibre was suddenly unable to walk on her own two feet.

When the gap between them closed, Naome stumbled on her last step, forcing him to catch her in his arms. She draped her arms around his neck to support herself, glass still upright behind his head. 

“Woops,” she giggled. She leaned in toward his ear, and he could feel her lips brushing against the shell of it as she spoke. “It’s been awhile since we’ve been this close, huh, Kakashi- _sensei?_ I’m not in trouble, am I?”

Kakashi’s eyes skimmed the crowd anxiously and cursed the fact that his face was well-known by everyone in town. Now he was the center of attention while trying to keep his sexually frustrated self together as he was reminded of the sensual moments they’d shared in the past.

“Naome, let’s go.” He said, keeping his voice stern as if he was talking to a child. He was also reminded of the fact that while not everyone knew who she was, if rumours started to spread, they would soon find out she was his aide’s wife. Konoha’s second in charge’s wife, found causing a commotion at a local bar and getting cozy with the hokage himself. All hell would break loose if that were to happen. He cringed at the thought as he tried to hurry her out of the bar.

“Go where? I want to get a drink here!” She screamed, pushing him aside. She chugged the rest of her glass and pointed a finger toward the horrified bartender. “You! Give me another one!”

The bartender shot a look to the hokage who simply shook his head and pulled the drunken girl away toward the front door. He took the empty cup from her hand and left it on a vacant table on the way out. “Let’s go. We need to get you home.”

“I don’t want to go home!” She shouted back, but unlike with the other two chunin shinobi, she couldn’t put up a fight with Kakashi as he dragged her along the street. For one, Kakashi was a lot stronger, but also, she was past her adrenaline stage and the alcohol was taking its effect. 

As Kakashi continued to walk, he realized she was beginning to stumble and fall asleep behind him. With a heavy sigh, he knelt down in front of her just in time to catch her mid-fall, her body collapsing onto his back.

She giggled quietly next to his ear. “Woops, sorry. I guess I can’t keep myself standing straight with you around.”

“Let’s bring you home.” Kakashi tried again, ignoring the kunoichi’s teasing. It wasn’t something new. The two of them kept their platonic relationship rather playful and sometimes suggestive, making jabs at their messed up past. It was something comfortable for both of them because of the way they always bickered in the past, and the fact that they were still best friends now.

“I don’t want to go home.” She murmured again as Kakashi continued to walk in the direction of her and Shikamaru’s house. “Shikamaru is a stupid jerk. I hate him.”

“You don’t mean that.” Kakashi replied. Once he had gotten out of the late night district, he relaxed a bit knowing there were less eyes on them now.

“I do mean it!” Naome replied despite her drowsy state. “He’s mean! All he does is yell at me when I didn’t even do anything wrong! He thinks he knows everything because he’s a _genius_ , and he’s just so frustrating!”

Kakashi couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at her words. He couldn’t blame her, he himself always suffered from the genius treatment at work as well. 

“Still, you love him though.” Kakashi pointed out. He was met with silence for a few minutes before he felt a light breathing on his neck. His heart fluttered at the warmth of her face next to his and the feeling of having her body against him again, but he continued on because he knew that she wasn’t his.

“Shikamaru…” he heard her mumble in her sleep. A small, pained smile donned on his face because her murmurs only confirmed the truth. She only loved him now.

\---

Shikamaru couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t sleep because he was wondering on and on whether or not she was with _him_ again. He wondered if she would stay the night now that he had practically pushed her to do so. 

He felt like shit. Every single ounce of him felt like shit. Naome was right, a lack of trust meant that the marriage would be in shambles before they knew it, not that it wasn’t already. He had vowed to love her forever, not just in formalities, but also to his father and most importantly, to her. She had also vowed to love him too. The difference was she had also loved another man first.

Shikamaru tossed as the pain returned to him, the same nagging, throbbing, heavy feeling of being second best in her heart. The same stupid feeling whenever he realized the reality that if Kakashi hadn’t left her first, she would have never picked him. Maybe that’s why it wasn’t working out, because she never chose him in the first place.

Before he could shed a tear for his own pity, his thoughts were interrupted by a firm knock on the front door. He furrowed his eyebrows, it was weird to have someone knocking so late, and he was positive that Naome had grabbed her keys on the way out.

Making his way to the front, he opened the door to find his boss standing on the other side with Naome passed out on his back. Questions flooded his mind and part of him wondered what kind of audacity the hokage had to bring his wife back home after spending the night with her.

Reading his puzzled expression, Kakashi cleared his throat, “I found her at a bar on the way home. She caused some ruckus with a patrol team after the boss called for a complaint.”

Shikamaru eyed his wife who still had her disheveled hair and now had bright red cheeks. Her body laid limp on the shinobi’s back and for the first time, he noticed the strong stench of alcohol permeating from her body. His eyes softened at the sight of her relaxed expression and how vulnerable she looked with her light breathing.

Walking over, he slowly transferred her sleeping body into his arms, careful not to wake her up. Once she was there, he was able to see her closer for the first time and his heart melted. He scolded himself internally for having argued with her so bad that she had to put herself in that state.

“Thank you for bringing her home.” Shikamaru told the older man.

Kakashi shrugged, “it’s nothing. You should get some rest too Shikamaru, it’s late.”

“Alright, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

When the hokage walked away and the door closed, Shikamaru brought Naome up to their room. He helped her out of her street clothes and into one of his large cotton t-shirts that she always wore to bed. He placed her under the bedsheets before tucking her in and climbing into his side.

A small smile grew on his face as he brushed some of her stray hairs out of her face so that he could get a better look of her. Leaning over, he gave her a light kiss on the lips and draped an arm over her before falling asleep.

\---

It was the second day, the second day in a row that Shikamaru woke up to an empty bed next to him. He felt himself sinking already at the thought of her leaving without another word again. He figured she must have been avoiding him because she never woke up so early, nonetheless after such a rough night of drinking.

When he got downstairs though, a feeling of relief rushed over him to find his favourite breakfast on the table and a note next to the plate. 

_I’ll be back.  
Naome_

He didn’t have much time to read into the note, as he was just barely on time again. Stuffing the food into his system, he rushed out the door and off to work. 

On his way there though, he couldn’t help but begin to over think again now that he had nothing else to preoccupy his mind. He wondered where she had gone so early in the morning. He wondered how long she would be away that it garnered a note to tell him she would be back.

Was it an “I’ll be back later this afternoon after I run my errands”? Or was it “I need to take a break from you, and I’ll be back to talk later”? Dread filled the pit of his stomach when he realized she hadn’t written anything else, no I love you, no destination, no time, no reason.

He cursed himself for not checking if all her ninja gear was missing, then he would at least know that she was on a mission. He realized he had no idea if she was still angry at him or not, but she probably was.

As he continued to analyze the three short words, he started to become anxious again. Perhaps “I’ll be back,” also meant that she was leaving for good. 

To his surprise, Kakashi was actually in the office by the time he arrived. The man still looked tired, even being caught mid-yawn upon Shikamaru entering. 

“Good morning.” Kakashi greeted, already slumping in his seat. 

“Good morning.” Shikamaru eyed the completed work pile that was on Kakashi’s desk in shock. “You sure got here early.”

“Yeah,” Kakashi replied, “I had some teams to brief this morning before they set off on their mission...speaking of which, how are things with you and Naome?”

“What do you mean?” Shikamaru asked. The copycat ninja was rarely this blunt about his interest in their relationship. In fact, he often steered clear of the topic because it was clear that it still pained him. “Barely any hours have passed since you dropped her off last night.”

“I know…” Kakashi leaned his elbows onto his desk and placed his head on his hands. “It’s none of my business, I know. It’s just that...she came to me this morning and asked to be sent away on a mission.”

Shikamaru’s blood ran cold with the information. His worst nightmares were coming true. Not only was she avoiding him, she left without telling him, leaving him to wonder what type of mission she was on and if he would ever see her again.

“I didn’t...she never told me,” he finally managed to spit out.

Kakashi sighed, “I knew it. Well, don’t worry too much, it wasn’t a dangerous mission. I just sent her with some escorts to check on the orphanages in the Land of Fire and the one in the Hidden Rain Village. I told her to confirm numbers, finances, and to see if we can set the plan in place to bring some of those children back here to Konoha.” 

Shikamaru let out a breath that he didn’t even realize he was holding. At least that was one of his worries out of the way, she would be safe doing her routine checks. “How long this time?”

“One month.” Shikamaru scowled. He didn’t like it, but he wasn’t going to oppose it. He just wished she had said something before she left. 

“So tell me,” Kakashi continued, “Why would she need to come ask me so bright and early in the morning, to send her away for a month?”

“I don’t know.” Shikamaru lied. It was a stupid lie because it was clear as day that their relationship hadn’t been progressing well. Between Shikamaru’s mood swings, Naome’s drinking last night, and whatever Naome might have confided in the man, Shikamaru was sure Kakashi had caught on.

“Shikamaru...what’s wrong?” Kakashi asked again, almost pleading this time.

“Why don’t you ask her?” Shikamaru’s agitation was returning, and the shitty part was, the day hadn’t even begun yet and he would have to spend the rest of it in here, with him.

“She won’t tell me.” Kakashi’s solemn expression reminded Shikamaru that the man was still in love with Naome, adding flame to the fire in Shikamaru’s heart.

“That’s because our relationship is between her and me. Thanks for your concern Kakashi, but we don’t need your help.”


	4. Chapter 4

The next month had passed at an unbearably slow pace for Shikamaru. At first, it seemed okay because leaving that long was quite common for Naome who often stayed out of town on her missions to the orphanages. It had been a while since he last talked to her about her work, but from what he remembered, she often stayed a few days to weeks at a time to distribute supplies, train staff, and even teach some of the orphans ninja techniques and survival skills.

This time though, with each day that passed, Shikamaru’s heart grew with uncertainty. He began to wonder if her month long absence was actually a ploy, and that she had run away for good. He wondered if she was actually staying somewhere else, just so she could hide from him and get away for an extended period of time. Was it really work? Or was it him?

Each day that inched closer to the one month mark, Shikamaru held his breath wondering if that was the day she was coming home. If not, he was wondering if he would wake up and suddenly a note would be saying that she was leaving and never coming back.

His heart broke as he remembered the last words that she said to him that night before she left.

_“If you can’t trust me, what is even the point in having this relationship? This marriage?”_

He wanted so badly to trust her. He knew he should have. Logically, he knew that she had vowed her love to him, and would never betray him. He knew that she always hated ever having hurt him in the past, and that she promised to never hurt him in the future, but logic was beyond him.

He was hurting. With each day that passed, his insecurities grew and the demons of their past began to haunt him more and more. He remembered the way she had run away to Kakashi in the past after one of their big fights. He had tried to not fault her, as they weren’t officially dating back them. But after that night, little sprigs of doubt were planted in his mind.

When he had nothing else to think about after work, he would think back about the way that she used to look at Kakashi compared to the way she used to look at him. He remembered the way she wept in despair and absolute agony when Kakashi had died in her arms, and how she clung desperately to the older man when he was reborn. Shikamaru remembered every little crack in his heart, and every stab of pain even though that had been years ago, and she was now his today.

That’s why, as each day passed, he wondered if he made the right decision in marrying a girl who was clearly in love with another man. He wondered if he made the right choice in blindly accepting her so-called love for him, and trusting that she would forever be dedicated to him.

That’s why, when one month had passed and she still hadn’t returned home, he began to go crazy. He began to lose all hope again, and began to lose track of himself and his life. 

When two days passed after her expected return date, he skipped work and visited his father’s grave to distract himself. He sat there, with a cigarette between his lips, remembering his father’s final request to the two of them to get married and care for one another. He wondered if she only did it to make his father happy.

On the third day past, he went to visit his mother who looked at him with concerned eyes. He faked a smile and told her he was just worn out from work. He couldn’t burden her with the truth knowing that she loved Naome just as much as she would her real child. Rather than returning to his empty home that night, he decided to stay and have dinner with Yoshino.

“Do you want to pack some food home for Naome?” His mother asked after they had finished eating. The leftovers laid on the table thanks to Shikamaru’s lack of appetite. “She’ll probably be starving when she comes home from her mission.”

“It’s okay,” Shikamaru murmured. His eyes dropped to scan in detail the wooden composition of the table. “Her mission got extended so I don’t know when she’ll be home.”

Knowing her son well, Yoshino reached across the table and held his hand in hers. “Son, what’s going on between the two of you? You know you can talk to me right?”

“It’s nothing.” He replied, “We’re okay.”

It was a blatant lie, a lie so bad that it sent a pang to his chest at the sound of his own words. They were far from okay. It had been a long time since they could even be considered okay.

“You know son, marriage isn’t easy. Your dad and I have had our fair share of arguments in the past, but we persevered through them because we had each other...and we had you.” She stroked his hair lovingly. “Do you still love her, Shikamaru?”

Shikamaru hated that it took a long time for him to answer. He hated that he had to think about it, think about the last time that he told Naome that he loved her. Think about the last time he held her and looked at her lovingly. He hated that he had to dig deep to remember the good times in their relationship, but still, they were there.

“I do. I still love her a lot.” His realization both lifted a weight off his chest and pained him to think about their broken future.

“Does she still love you?” Yoshino asked. To his surprise, this answer came a lot quicker than the previous one.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t know if she still loves me.” _I don’t know if she even loved me before._

Yoshino’s eyes reflected the pain she felt for her son, and for her daughter. She knew Shikaku had requested them to be together, and they both thought that their future had been set. Now she was wondering if her and her husband had made a poor choice for both of them. It pained her to see them both go through this.

“You need to find out, and you need to tell her that you love her.” she told him. “There’s no use in beating around the bush. Communication is key. Just tell her what you feel, Shikamaru.”

That was easier said than done. Shikamaru couldn’t quite place what he felt in words. He didn’t even know why he felt the way he did and why he was so angry and frustrated all the time.

With a release of a deep breath, and another faux smile on his lips. He got up and hugged his mother. “Thanks mom.”

\---

When he returned to work the next day, Kakashi didn’t pry, nor did he scold him. The hokage simply updated him on the various situations happening in Konoha and updated him on his task list before setting back to work quietly. A deep sense of guilt filled Shikamaru. He kind of wished Kakashi would have yelled at him, at least then, he could find some kind of flaw in the man, but he was much too gracious.

“Naome should be back today.” Kakashi said after about an hour, breaking the long period of silence between the two. “I got news two days ago that she had left the Hidden Rain Village.”

“Oh...that’s good.” Shikamaru replied. His eyes remained on the pages in front of him but now his thoughts were distracted. He was both relieved that he would be able to see her again and anxious as to how their reunion would be.

The two continued to work until they took a break for lunch. Wanting some peace and quiet, Shikamaru went up to the rooftop. Lighting a cigarette, he leaned on the railing as he stared out at the clouds and village in front of him. 

Normally, he would have been excited to see his wife returning home, but this time, he couldn’t help but have a feeling of unease along with it. He wasn’t sure when their next argument would be, and whether that would be the last straw as she had mentioned before. 

He was still incredibly in love with her, he had realized when she came home that night in a peaceful state. It made him miss the times that they shared before, but the same time, she was right, perhaps his insecurity was getting the better of him. It was part of the reason why the barrier was present between them. 

He groaned in frustration, his thoughts constantly making him more depressed as he continued to penalize himself for what he had done. Knowing the problem was not the same as fixing it though. For once, Shikamaru was at a loss in his life, unable to find a solution for his problems.

He took another drag from his cigarette and sighed.

“You know, she hates it when you smoke.” Kakashi’s voice infiltrated his thoughts, making him almost want to roll his eyes. The older man walked up from behind him and leaned on the hand rail next to him.

“Of course you would know.” Shikamaru replied with a hint of bitterness.

Kakashi took the hint, but at the same time, he couldn’t filter out his confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You’re her best friend, aren’t you?” That was probably the truth, but Shikamaru couldn’t help but continue with anger. “Or are you? Is that what you’re labelling your relationship now?”

Kakashi fully turned to face the jonin now, his face showing a hint of sadness and pain for the man in front of him. “You couldn’t mean that, Shikamaru. Naome and I don’t have anything going on. We truly are nothing but friends.”

Not wanting to argue with his boss any longer, Shikamaru stubbed his cigarette at a nearby garbage can and walked away. He couldn’t get very far before one of the members on the administrative team intercepted his path. 

“There’s a message for you, Shikamaru.” The lady said. Shikamaru raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“For me?” Usually messages were addressed toward the Hokage rather than himself. 

“Yes. Your wife, she’s in the hospital.” 

Shikamaru could barely breathe at the sound of the news. He turned to Kakashi, who despite his shocked look himself, simply waved him off. Giving the older man a nod, he ran off in the direction of Konoha’s hospital as fast as his feet could carry. His thoughts were a blur as he passed villagers and buildings, almost running into a couple of people along the way as well.

Once he was there, he quickly demanded the room under Naome’s name and ran down the hallway until he found it. He pulled the door open, a loud bang echoing in the hallway as the door met the end of its track. He was finally able to breathe again when he saw her familiar long hair facing him as she sat on the edge of the hospital bed, staring out the window.

“Shikamaru, you’re here.” The male jumped at the sound of his name. He turned to find Sakura who was just putting Naome’s chart aside and stepping out the door.

“Hey...how is she?” He asked. Naome still wasn’t looking at him, so he couldn’t quite read the expression on her face.

“Don’t worry. She just fainted a bit on the way home. She got scratched up a bit when she fell but she’s fine now.” Sakura said with a secretive smile. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, at the goofy grin on his old classmate’s face. 

Worry had flooded him because he had never heard of Naome fainting before, save for the time that she had fought Pein and Kakashi was murdered in front of her. It didn’t make sense for her to faint on a routine trip back from the Hidden Rain Village.

Before he could question her further though, Sakura quickly excused herself and pushed him toward Naome’s waiting figure.

Hesitantly, he walked up to his wife and sat next to her on the bed. Noticing her bandaged palm and elbow, he gently picked it up between his own hands.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, his voice so quiet that he was sure Naome could barely hear him. 

It took her awhile to answer him but when she did, he was shocked when she turned to him with tearfilled eyes. “I just want to go home.”

Shikamaru was at a loss for what to do. In the past, he would hold her tightly every time she cried whether it was because of nightmares or heartbreaks. He would gently stroke her hair and whisper reassuring words in her ear. _Sh...I’m right here._

Now though, times were different. He wasn’t sure if Naome was still angry at him or why she was even crying in the first place. For once though, his brain didn’t let him do the thinking as he brought a hand up to brush some stray hairs out of her face. Leaning in, he kissed her gently on the forehead.

“Come on, let’s go home.”

\---

The entire walk home, Naome was silent. Shikamaru would often sneak glances at her to make sure she was doing alright, but her expression never changed. She simply stared blankly ahead of her as they walked. He supposed it could have been worse though, at least she was still allowing him to hold her hand along the way.

When they got home, Shikamaru dropped Naome’s blades that he was carrying in a closet by the front entrance where they had always kept their ninja tools. As he was doing so, he watched as Naome broke away from him and made her way upstairs to their bathroom. 

When the sound of the water running filled his ears, he sighed and went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and some leftover food from dinner the night before. He went up to the room and placed it on the bedside table, knowing that after every mission, she would go straight to bed and nap. It was a habit she had picked up from him. He wanted to make sure she was well fed first though.

He waited patiently on the bed for her, twirling his thumbs nervously. When she finally emerged from her shower though, his heart sank.

She had clearly been crying while letting the warm water run over her. Her hair was still wet and her body was flushed from the steam and her crying. His chest ached as he tried to figure out what was going on.

He didn’t have to wait long though, before she stood in front of him. Her eyes scanned his almost fearfully before she opened her mouth to speak.

“Shikamaru...I’m pregnant.”


	5. Chapter 5

Shikamaru could have sworn he could hear his blood rushing to his head, and his heart beating out of his chest. His world was spinning around him and the room seemed oddly small as he pieced together the words that Naome had just told him. 

He tried to process everything, the mood swings, the implications to their future, and finally the dates. His body was stunned as he thought about it. She had been gone for a month, a full month without seeing him. Even before then, they hadn’t been intimate for a while. His voice was quiet and hesitant as he spoke.

“Whose is it?”

Naome looked up at him in shock, wondering if she had even heard his words right. She had gone through hell and back the entire mission because of her pregnancy symptoms, and she barely made it back to Konoha because she had overexerted herself. She then woke up in the hospital, and this is what she had to deal with on top of all of that?

“Shikamaru, you can’t be serious right now…”

It was those words that snapped Shikamaru out of his stupor as he glared menacingly at his wife in a way that he had never done so before. Never in his life did he expect to look at her with so much contempt and so much hatred, but he had felt so betrayed and let down by her that he couldn’t contain himself any longer.

“Is it Kakashi’s?” He snarled as he stood, looking down at her petite body which stood firm in front of him.

“It’s yours! How can you even say that?” The red in her eyes now were no longer from sadness, but rather the anger that boiled over.

“How can it be mine? It’s been over two months since we’ve last done it. You’re telling me it took you two whole fucking months to find out you are pregnant?!” He screamed back at her. He wondered how stupid she thought he could be to not figure such simple math.

“For the last, fucking, time. I have NEVER been with someone else since we got married!” Her fists were balled together now as she looked at him with equal amounts of hatred.

“Well I guess I won’t know until nine months from now, huh?!” He challenged. 

“Seven months!” Naome replied. “It’s already been two months. I’m sorry. I didn’t have symptoms until I was on my mission so I couldn’t let you know sooner. Sakura just confirmed it today when she examined me.”

Shikamaru’s eyes narrowed, the fury intensifying in him. He wondered how much longer she intended to lie to his face when everything added up perfectly otherwise. He wondered how much longer he could stand this.

“Don’t you dare lie to me anymore.” He said, grabbing her wrist in response. “It’s enough that you went and conceived a child with him, but now you want me to stick around and deal with your shit too? Fine. I’ll raise it up as if it were my child to save you and him the fucking embarrassment, but remember, I’ll never consider it my kid.”

Naome pulled her arm free of his grasp. His words had clearly affected her deeply as tears began to whelm up in her eyes even after she had built such a large tolerance against their fighting. Watching her hurt expression, Shikamaru considered for the briefest second if maybe he had made a mistake, and the baby was in fact his.

“Get out.”

His hand reached out in a much softer way this time, but she pushed it away before shoving his entire body toward the bedroom door. He stumbled back, no longer posing resistance to her as he looked at her pained expression.

“Naome…”

“I said get out, Shikamaru Nara!” She pointed straight at the door. Her vision was completely blurred now as she shouted. “GET. OUT!”

Without another word, Shikamaru left. Heading straight down the stairs, he went out the front door and began to wander aimlessly around the streets of the village. After an hour or so, he settled on his usual rooftop hangout where he had spent hours cloud watching as a kid. His heart hammered in pain as he was flooded with memories of the dates that he and Naome had there, back when they were happy.

Shikamaru knew he fucked up this time, and he fucked up real hard. The pain in Naome’s eyes haunted him as he remembered each of his words clearly. He knew he wouldn’t find out for sure until the baby was born, but as her husband, he should have never doubted her in the first place.

It was possible. Of course it was. Just over two months ago, they had been intimate after making up from a heated argument. She must have missed her period just before she left. He now remembered that it was never really regular to begin with, especially when she was stressed with work.

He covered his eyes as his own tears began to flow. He never liked to cry because he was supposed to be a tough man, but the thought of Naome leaving him after today because of his own stupidity haunted him. 

He wished life was as simple as it was back then. When they truly began to date after the war, everything was all sunshines and rainbows. Even their first year of marriage was filled with nothing but bliss and love. Now, not only was his marriage going down the drain, but he was going to be a father.

He groaned at the idea. How the hell was he supposed to be a father? They didn’t have their life together, and he was now fearing his own temper. Did he even have the patience to raise a kid? He continued to contemplate the idea for the next few hours until it was dark and chilly outside.

Without an answer to his dilemma, he made his way home. The house was dark when he entered, but he knew that his wife was still up because he could hear her cries of heartbreak coming from their bedroom.

Deciding that they both needed space, he chose to lay on the couch instead. As he did, tears came to his eyes as he listened to Naome cry over their child...or him...or both. As her anguish reverberated throughout the house, so did his. They both fell asleep late into the night after many tears to mourn their lost relationship.

\---

The next day, he woke up with a pounding headache after barely having any sleep the night before. The sun told him he was supposed to be getting for work, so quietly and hesitantly, he made his way upstairs to his bedroom. 

Upon entering, he noticed his wife curled up with the blankets, hugging his pillow to her chest. His eyes softened at the sight of her fatigued figure. She was so deep in her sleep that she didn’t even twitch when he entered the room. 

Grabbing his clothes from the closet, he went into the washroom to shower and get ready for the day. His body was sore after a night on the couch, but the warm water eased his protesting muscles. As the water drenched his hair and his body, he allowed himself to clear his mind. It was a new day, he had decided. He was determined to make things right and finally redeem himself before it was too little too late.

On his way out, he realized the food and water that he had placed next to the bed laid untouched. With a concerned frown on his face, he brought the food downstairs to be reheated again, this time, attaching a note on the plate.

_Make sure you eat so you can have energy and stay healthy._

_Love,  
Shikamaru_

With a satisfied smile on his face, he arranged everything back on the nightstand and turned to his wife. Leaning in, he brushed her hair aside and kissed her lovingly on the forehead before leaving for work.

\---

It was a good day for Shikamaru at work. With a positive mindset and the news before him, he no longer had the urge to snap at Kakashi. At first though, the thought did invade his mind that Kakashi still had a chance of being the father. Nonetheless, he shook his head and went on with his day, completing paperwork, assigning missions, and making arrangements for the upcoming chuunin exams.

When he got home though, his heart sank when he saw his wife curled up on the couch. There was a sense of lifelessness in her eyes as her arms wrapped protectively around her lower abdomen. He wondered how it was possible that he was the one that did this to her.

“Can we talk?” He whispered, barely loud enough for even himself to hear. The words left his mouth a bit too soon for his liking. He almost wished he had prepared something to say so that he could clearly articulate his thoughts in front of her.

Naome sat up, her broken eyes looking up at the man she had vowed her love and her life to. In her mind there was a short timer, almost knowing that soon, they would inevitably argue again.

“Can I speak first?” Naome asked in a small voice. It was like they were both tippy toeing around each other, and to Shikamaru, it hurt knowing that she felt the need to ask for permission to speak.

“Yeah, of course.”

Naome closed her eyes and took in a deep, shaky breath before she looked up at him again. 

“I don’t want this baby.”

Her declaration was met with silence as she gave Shikamaru a moment to digest what he had just heard. 

“Shikamaru, I don’t want this baby,” she repeated. “I don’t want her to grow up in this type of household, in a family so broken.”

Naome could see the hurt in Shikamaru’s eyes as the words sunk in. A flash of guilt crossed his gaze, mimicking the same guilt in her heart too. Both of them wondered how they could have let their family fall so deeply into chaos. 

There was so much Shikamaru wanted to say. Just a few minutes ago, he was willing and ready to become a father, and now, she was telling him she didn’t want their child anymore. It hurt him to even consider the idea of abortion, and he could tell it hurt her too, but he resigned himself to the idea that maybe she was right. It was her body after all.

“Him,” he corrected. “And I understand...I wouldn’t want him to grow up with all this fighting either.” 

Despite his words though, he dropped to his knees in front of her and reached forward. Understanding what he wanted, Naome pulled her protective arms away and used one hand to guide his palm toward her belly.

Shikamaru brought his other hand up to caress her cheek tenderly, and she leaned into the warmth that had been gone for so long. It was a feeling that she had clung desperately onto in order to not just up and leave. The other thing was, of course, she had nowhere to go, as she was homeless before meeting Shikamaru.

Still though, she made a life for herself now, with a stable income. Financially, she was capable of living on her own in Konoha. She had thought about leaving this, what she considered, a toxic relationship, but it was these rare moments that made her stay.

“What’s wrong with us Shikamaru?”

His focus went from her stomach to her eyes which were full of pain. Because of that, he decided it was time to finally be true to her, and more importantly, to himself. 

“It’s my fault.” He admitted, his voice defeated as he came to the realization. Her eyes looked at him gently as she brought her hand to meet with his face as well.

“No, it’s not all your fault. We’re both in this relationship. We both have issues.”

“Yes, maybe we’re both stressed from work and both tired, but Naome, it doesn’t excuse the way I’ve been treating you lately, and before you can argue, hear me out.”

Taking a deep breath, he decided to throw his usual barrier away, and ignore his overthinking and illogical fears. 

“I guess I’ve been comparing myself a lot lately to Kakashi and the life he could have given you with his position of Hokage and the chemistry that I know you both had.” He raised his palm up to stop Naome when she opened her mouth to protest. 

“I know you loved him deeply, maybe more than I could ever understand, and I know he loved you too. And I know that this is all so stupid because it’s been five years since you two have ended things, and we’ve been married for two years already, but from time to time, I couldn’t help but think what if...What if he told you he loved you that day? What if you chose him instead of me? If that day had gone differently, you wouldn’t have chosen to be with me.”

Shikamaru’s fears were finally flowing out of his system as he broke down in front of his wife in tears. Naome watched, stunned by the way he was speaking. She hadn’t realized how uncertain Shikamaru was about all this, and actually, it was the first she heard of Kakashi “loving” her back then. She had suspected it, but alas, the man had broken her heart by telling her he was still in love with Rin.

Naome looked down at her lap in guilt because she didn’t know how to console him. Every word that her husband said was true. She hadn’t picked him first, in fact, that day she was ready to tell Kakashi just how much she loved him and wanted to pursue a lifelong relationship with him. She had even prepared to tell Shikamaru that she couldn’t be with him any longer, but when things unfolded the way they did, she simply chose to move on and not look back. 

Her decision to let go of that relationship came easy to her afterwards. Afterall, she had known that Shikamaru had been waiting all along, and he held a special place in her heart that even Kakashi couldn’t replicate.

“So...do you not trust me anymore?” Her voice was small and hesitant, as if she was afraid to hear the answer. Despite how horrendously their marriage had gone, she still cared for him and loved him infinitely, and it pained her to realize her mistakes still caused such a large fissure in their relationship now.

“I don’t know…” A part of him had wished she would have denied it, or at least some part of it, but when she responded with nothing but a question and a desolate expression, he realized that he had been right. He was the second choice.

“Kakashi...he’s nothing but a friend of mine now.” Naome tried to reassure him, but she could tell with the way that his breath hitched, that it did little to heal his heart. 

_I wish he didn’t mean anything._ Shikamaru knew it was selfish of him to think those things. Both parties had told him on more than one occasion that they were best friends at most, but best friends could also lead to other things. Boyfriend and girlfriend, friends with benefits, who knew? Especially with the past that they had and a man as good as Kakashi.

“Shikamaru, I only love you.” She tried again, but the words barely reached him. He was burdened by so much insecurity that he couldn’t help but doubt even the most genuine of words. Still though, he couldn’t resist her.

“I love you too.” He said. He leaned forward desperately, trying to gain her affection to which she lovingly complied, giving him a kiss on his lips. His body immediately melted at the contact and flashbacks came of all the good times that they had. He now longed for more of these moments in the future, something he had lost sight of for a while now.

“I wish there was a way I could reassure you more.” She replied. Shikamaru could sense the heartbreak and hesitation as she considered her next words. “Should I...Do you want me to stop talking to Kakashi from now on?”

 _Yes._ “No.” Shikamaru knew he had to be stronger than that. Despite the doubts in his mind, he knew he had to learn to trust, and that giving into that, would be just cheating. A shortcut. 

“Just give me some time,” he said. “I’ll fix this relationship I swear.”

Naome gave Shikamaru one last soft gaze before she slid off the couch and onto her own knees in front of him. Instantly, she pulled him into her arms and buried her head in his shoulder. His arms came up in response and wrapped around her body tightly, almost like he never wanted to let go again.

“Oh Shikamaru...I’m sorry for ever having put you - put us through this.” She caved, allowing her own tears to flow as she wallowed in guilt.

“It’s okay...we just need time.” He hoped time was all he needed because he doubted that their relationship could handle anymore of this. This time, it would be the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the last chapter :)


	6. Chapter 6

It was a few days later and their relationship hadn’t gotten any worse, nor had it gotten any better. They simply lived with each other and went about daily life without much conversation. Both of them were walking on eggshells, afraid that with the tiniest provocation, the end would come. Silence wasn’t always a bad thing though, they both appreciated it at times, after many bad months of fighting.

It all changed when Shikamaru found Naome waiting for him at the breakfast table one morning on his way out to work. Though she often got up early to make breakfast for him, she would usually go back to sleep afterwards if she didn’t have work that day. He quirked an eyebrow and wondered if he had missed an occasion or a memo.

“I have an appointment with Sakura at the hospital today,” she began. Shikamaru froze in the middle of his breakfast, his eyes looking up across the table to meet her downcasted gaze.

They hadn’t spoken about the pregnancy since a few days back. Because of that, the decision still stood that Naome was intending to have an abortion. At least, that’s what he remembered. For the sake of his relationship, he didn’t want to tell her otherwise. 

A part of him knew she was right. Not that they hadn’t wanted kids before all this had happened, but they were too young in his mind and too inexperienced to have a child. In addition, being born into the current family dynamics was simply going to do more harm than good for the baby in the future. 

Still though, if she had changed her mind, he would have been more than willing to stay and parent with her, even on the slim chance that it was Kakashi’s child.

“Are you still going to go through with it?” He asked hesitantly.

Naome responded with a silent nod. Her heart and eyes were filled with guilt, but they both knew she was doing the best that she understood how. Afterall, she grew up without her parents and therefore, having a broken family for any child to her, was not an option, especially if it could be avoided.

“Sakura said it would be best to do it today. The earlier, the better.” Naome said. The entire time, she feared to look up at her husband’s expression in case he might change her mind. “She might send a message for you to pick me up in the evening if we go through with it.”

Shikamaru’s head dropped. He clenched his fists tightly under the table as he calmed his thoughts. He was at a loss for what to do. Naome was right, they weren’t ready, nor were they suitable, but part of him still wanted to be a father. 

He stood abruptly from his spot, causing Naome to flinch at the sound of the scraping chair. She looked at him with bewildered eyes as he quickly closed the distance between them. Her expression changed though, when she read his calm demeanor.

“Okay,” he said. He stood next to her and bent over slightly. “Is it alright if I touch him one last time before…”

“Yeah…” She replied. A light smile appeared on her face when Shikamaru reached out to caress the barely-there baby bump. It was so early on in the pregnancy that no one would be able to tell.

“You sure are adamant that the baby is a ‘him’ huh?” Naome asked playfully.

“Yeah, I know it is! Don’t you feel it too?” 

Naome’s heart broke when she heard the excitement in Shikamaru’s voice when he spoke about their baby. It was the first time she considered that maybe her husband did have a change of heart about her pregnancy as he no longer spoke about the fetus with contempt. She knew he would be a good father one day, she just wasn’t sure if it would be to her child.

“No.” She looked down at Shikamaru’s hand with a solemn expression. “I try not to think too much about it because of what I’ve decided to do.”

Shikamaru’s hand slipped from her stomach and she could tell he was hurting, just as much as she was. She wondered now if she was making the right choice.

“But...I kind of always felt the baby was a girl.” She concluded. Both of them exchanged eye contact, and for the first time, it was free of tension or hatred. Instead, both of them were hurting inside for their unborn child. 

Clearing his throat, Shikamaru turned away. He grabbed his belongings and made his way to the front door. 

“I don’t want to be late for work. Make sure Sakura calls me once the procedure is done,” he said. He already knew he was going to be late as his usual schedule didn’t leave time for morning conversations. He made a note to wake up earlier next time to be with his wife, especially because she would be recovering physically and emotionally after today.

“Okay. Have a good day.” She replied from her spot.

The comment surprised both parties because it had been months since she had last told him that line. It was something that Shikamaru had grown used to hearing every day that his wife was home, but it wasn’t until now that he realized he had missed it so much. Neither of them thought that she still had that habit in her.

“You too.” Shikamaru replied. A bright smile would have been present if not for the mourning of his child. “I love you.”

It took a moment, and Shikamaru was long gone by then, but small tears of happiness and a wide smile donned on Naome’s face as she responded, 

“I love you too.”

\---

“Your smoking habit is getting worse, you know?” Shikamaru didn’t bother to turn around at the sound of Kakashi’s voice behind him. He had decided to take a break on the rooftop around the lunch hour as he anxiously waited for any news of Naome’s progress. The hokage stood next to him now as they stared out at the horizon.

“You really should stop that if you are going to become a father.”

Shikamaru’s jaw clenched at Kakashi’s words. “Of course you would know. I can’t believe she told you already.”

With furrowed brows, the hokage turned to look at the younger man next to him. “She didn’t tell me anything, Sakura did. She told me to take Naome off of long missions for the next couple of months.” With a deep sigh, he continued. “Shikamaru, what’s going on between the two of you?”

At first, Shikamaru didn’t know why today was different, or why he was suddenly giving in, but he decided that he was sick and tired of his busted relationship and maybe it would finally be a good time to confide in Kakashi.

Releasing a heavy, smoke-filled breath, he finally turned to look the hokage in the eyes. “I think you’ve figured it out by now but Naome and I have been having problems...really bad communication problems. I don’t know what to do about it.”

Kakashi recognized the pain in Shikamaru’s features, the same ones that he himself had when he realized he would lose Naome for good. He recognized the heartbreak and the helplessness, something that he never wished for anyone to go through, nonetheless someone he was so close to.

Years ago, Shikamaru was his rival, but now, he was one of the closest people in his life: an advisor, and a friend. Most importantly, he was a comrade in protecting the woman that he still loved.

“Is it me?” Kakashi asked hesitantly. He figured there was a very real chance it could have been by the way that Shikamaru snapped at him on a regular basis. He would have hated if that were the case. He didn’t want to be the one to get in the way of what could be a loving relationship.

“No...well yes, but no.” Shikamaru replied. “It’s me. I keep doubting the past, and doubting her feelings for me. I keep comparing myself to you.”

That was a shock to Kakashi. To him, everything was set already. He had lost. He had given up everything so that they could be happy. Shikamaru had everything he wished he had. Shikamaru was supposed to be the one providing a loving family, a home, and a future for her. Not to mention, there was one thing missing.

“Shikamaru, she doesn’t love me anymore, not in the way that she loves you.” Kakashi responded with a broken tone. His reality sucked, but if a reminder of it could help Shikamaru then he decided he needed to speak it out loud. 

“She loves you,” he continued, “in fact, she loves more than she ever loved me before. Yes, what we had was great, but it was instantaneous and it was never meant to be. She has a lasting love for you that even I can’t compare to. The way she looks at you...you don’t even know, do you?”

That was news to Shikamaru. He wondered if he was missing something. Never had he considered Naome to be looking at him with loving eyes, at least, not one that was telling him she was helplessly in love with him. 

“Did you know?” Kakashi continued when his words were met with silence. “Whenever Naome and I are talking, she only asks about you. How you are doing at work, how frustrated she is in your relationship. She always asks me advice on how to fix things between the two of you because she can’t let go of you. And...she always talks about how she can’t wait to start a family with you.”

Shikamaru looked down at his hands in guilt. A _family_. He knew at any moment, that idea would all be gone now. Whether it be with or without their child, he had ruined his relationship already, and their house no longer resembled anything like a family.

“It’s too late now.” He murmured, just loud enough for the hokage to catch his words. “In theory it should be easy.On paper, we are a family, but I ruined it all already.”

To his surprise, Kakashi reached over his shoulder and provided him with a supportive pat on the back. A friendly smile was visible even through his mask. 

“It’s not meant to be easy. Afterall, some kid once told me ‘families don’t just appear, they’re built.’” Shikamaru smirked at the sound of his own words coming from the man’s mouth. He didn’t think much of them when he said it. Little did he know he would be hearing them again in the future. 

“It’s never too late.” Kakashi concluded. He let out a breath of relief when he saw Shikamaru’s expression lighten. The silver-haired man was not one with many words, so it surprised him that he was even able to offer words of advice. He just hoped they would be successful.

“C’mon, let’s get back to work so that you can go home on time today.” The older one winked at the jonin. As he strolled away from the frozen male, he playfully threw a jab at him. “And no more cigarettes tomorrow! Of all the habits you could pick up from Asuma...tsk tsk tsk.”

With a weight lifted off his shoulder and re-established confidence, Shikamaru chuckled at the man's words before stubbing his cigarette and getting back to work.

\---

Shikamaru had waited anxiously for a call or message for the rest of the afternoon, and when it didn’t come, he rushed home to see if something was wrong. Relief rushed through him when he stepped through the front door and spotted Naome’s shoes still at the front. He checked the living room first only to find it empty before heading upstairs to their bedroom.

There she was, sound asleep on top of the bedsheets with their picture frame held tightly to her chest. With a soft smile on his face, Shikamaru sat on the edge of the bed and lightly brushed her bangs away from her face. The kunoichi stirred in her sleep. Just barely, she cracked her eyes open to stare at her husband in front of her.

“How are you feeling?” Shikamaru asked quietly. He could tell by the way her hair stuck to her cheeks and the slight redness in her eyes, that she had been crying earlier.

“I couldn’t do it.” 

Naome watched hesitantly as Shikamaru’s eyes went down to her stomach, up to her eyes, and then back down again. 

“Does that mean…”

“Yeah,” she replied. A tired smile appeared on her face. “We’re going to be parents.”

There was a brief stillness in the room before a wide grin spread across Shikamaru’s face in a way that Naome had never seen before. He tore the picture frame from her grasp before closing the distance between them and kissing her deeply. Pulling her tightly into his arms, he smiled down at her like a lovesick puppy dog.

“I’m going to be a father!” 

Naome couldn’t help but laugh at Shikamaru’s childish excitement. It had been a while since they were this happy.

“And you’re going to be an amazing mother.” He added, confirming it with a kiss.

“I hope so.” She replied, weaving her fingers into his hair. She had missed the feeling of being so close and intimate with her husband. It was at that moment, that she knew she made the right decision.

“I promise I will take care of both of you.” Shikamaru said as he leaned his forehead against hers. “I promise I will make all of this better.”

“Let’s do it together.” Naome replied. She too felt guilty for having acted with so much hostility in the past month in response to her husband. Besides, she knew that this relationship needed work from both ends. 

With a renewed sense of warmth and affection, Shikamaru leaned in to give her one last peck on the lips.

“It’s a deal.”

\---

It was dark outside by the time Shikamaru woke up from his nap. They had cuddled the entire evening away, just like the way they used to, especially now that Naome was more tired from the early stages of her pregnancy.

When he came to, he noticed that Naome was no longer in bed with him, causing a concerned frown to appear on his face. Getting out of bed, he went downstairs to find his wife finishing up dinner in their kitchen.

He looked on lovingly at the way she seemed to glide around the familiar space with her hair tied in a loose bun, and his large t-shirt hanging on her petite body. She hummed a familiar tune as she prepared what looked like his favourite meal.

Walking into the room, he enveloped her from behind and gave small kisses onto her sensitive neck. A grin appeared on his face as he felt her shivering under his touch.

“Stop~” She whined as she continued to squirm from his ticklish assault. 

“It’s your fault that you left me there all alone.” He replied as he continued to plant kisses between her neck and shoulder.

“Well someone has to make dinner. We have an extra little body to feed now.” She replied playfully.

Shikamaru’s eyes softened as he realized that Naome was always the one looking out for them. She was always the one preparing food, even after long missions or a busy work day. She even woke up early to ensure he had breakfast to eat before going to work, even during the worst stages of their marriage. Guilt immediately overcame him as he looked back in silence. 

Sensing something wrong, Naome spun around in her husband’s arms and looked at him in concern. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” He tried to respond with a reassuring smile but she easily saw through the facade. “I just...I just want you to know that I appreciate everything that you do for me. Let’s get take out next time okay? I don’t want to stress you out during your pregnancy.”

Naome rolled her eyes. “Shikamaru, if I can handle S-ranked criminals, I can handle this little fella in me.”

“I just don’t want you over-exerting yourself again.” He insisted.

With furrowed eyebrows, his wife shot back. “I’m pregnant, not frail. Besides, it’s early on!”

“I’m just-”

“Shikamaru…” Naome growled in a warning tone. 

Sensing the tension on the rise again, the male backed off. His logic came back to him that she was right, she was more than physically capable of handling herself and the child, and though he wanted to insist that he could help more around the house, he let the argument go for once.

His expression softened again and he leaned in to kiss her lightly on the lips. “Sorry, I’m just a little over protective.”

WIth a sigh, Naome relaxed too. She understood where he was coming from, and usually, she wouldn’t second guess, even for a second, his good intentions. Shikamaru had never looked down on her before unlike how Kakashi had babied her in the past. Her husband had always been cautious but never overbearing.

She leaned into his chest and muttered a quiet apology as well. She realized they still had a long way to go in their communication, and the pregnancy hormones were not going to make it any easier, but because she was still madly in love with him, and wanted it to be him for the rest of her life, she was going to try.

The two shared a lasting moment before they enjoyed their dinner for the first time in a long time. Afterwards, Naome allowed Shikamaru to do the dishes as she relaxed on the couch. A few minutes later, Shikamaru went up to her and held out his hand. 

“Will you join me on the rooftop tonight?”

Bearing a smile, she accepted the gesture and allowed him to pull her to her feet.They both climbed to the top of their house so that they could lay down and gaze at the stars above them.

“It’s been a while...I forgot how nice the stars could be here.” Naome murmured in awe. 

“It is nice,” Shikamaru agreed. His eyes saddened a bit at the memories of them before. “Still, it’s nothing compared to our parents’ house.” 

Naome turned solemn as well as she remembered how she and Shikamaru used to hang out on the rooftop of the Nara residence almost every night. The sky was clearer on the outskirts of the town, just as their lives were as well. Times were so simple back then, and they merely had to enjoy their presence next to each other. Now, those times seemed so distant.

“Can I ask you a question?” Shikamaru said, breaking the silence between them. Naome turned to face her husband, only to find that the man was still staring at the stars above.

“Of course.”

There was a long pause before he had the courage to continue. “You know how I’m working on this whole insecurity thing…” 

“Mhmm.”

“I just need to know for certain...did you marry me because of my dad’s request?”

Shikamaru startled when Naome shot up in response to his question.

“No! I would never!” She protested. The sudden alertness in her voice made both of them jump as it pierced through the night sky. “Have you been thinking that this whole time? No! Yes, I’ve always thought of Shikaku as my own father because of how he and Yoshino cared for me when you brought me back to Konoha. But no, I wouldn’t marry you just because it was his dying wish!”

Despite the edge in her voice, a small genuine smile appeared on Shikamaru’s lips. He held her hand and squeezed it tight, finally turning to face her with tears in his eyes. Naome’s eyes scanned his in worry as she reached out to grab a stray tear.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, her heart breaking for the man in front of her. She replayed her words in her mind, wondering if she had said something wrong.

“Nothing,” he replied. “I’m just...really happy.”

Naome chuckled as she caressed her face and leaned in. “I’m happy as well. Shikamaru...I hope you know that I love you so, so much.”

To her surprise, the genius smirked, breaking the romantic moment. “Oh I know.”

“Huh?”

“Kakashi told me all about it. He said that you look at me with lovey dovey eyes and that you always told him how much you wanted to start a family with me.” Shikamaru explained.

Naome scowled playfully despite the embarrassment that was tinted all over her cheeks. “I need to stop talking to that perverted old man. He can’t even keep his mouth shut around you!”

“Really? What else did you confide in him?” Shikamaru asked out of curiosity. To his own surprise, the usual hint of jealousy was pretty much gone as they talked about the hokage in peace.

“Oh nothing important.” Naome paused to think for a second before she grinned. “Well I suppose there is one thing.”

“Really? What is it?” Scratch that, Shikamaru was jealous. Not enough to anger him, but enough to make him pout like a child. He hated being the one in the dark.

She leaned in closer, pressing her forehead against his as their bodies laid impossibly close next to each other. 

“One time while I was being angry and frustrated at you, he asked me if I ever regretted marrying you.” She said. She felt Shikamaru’s breath hitch at the thought of that conversation but she continued anyway.

“I told him that I never regretted choosing you. Yeah, marriage is hard, but I rather go through this with you than anyone else because you’re the one for me. You’re my family...my home.”

Leaning in, she kissed Shikamaru as they both cried tears from the overflowing love they had for one another. They were tears of healing, and tears of hope for their future.

“I’m sorry for my stupid insecurities and my silly questions.” He mumbled against her lips once they broke for air.

“Don’t be.” She replied. “I’m glad you asked. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

As Shikamaru continued to hold the woman he loved in one arm, he placed his free hand on her lower abdomen where their child was. She was right, he finally figured. _This was home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter for the story/series! Thank you for reading, providing reviews, and kudos! I hope you all enjoyed it!


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